A lot of women have that secret inner vixen waiting to be unleashed. She can be quiet on the streets and a tiger in the sheets, but the problem is, majority of them are so caught up with settling on what’s comfortable as opposed to a sex life that can be out of this world.
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For these women, it shouldn’t be just about hitting the sack and cuddling after. Sex should be empowering to them and satisfying for both sides of the spectrum in the end. In order to achieve that sexual nirvana, it’s all about being open-minded and picking off the idea that sex is patriarchal.
So a few women spilled secrets on what measures they’ve followed in order to score a bachelor’s degree in mind-blowing sex.
Orgasms aren’t the point, it’s how you get one that matters
“Men don’t consider it sex unless they have an orgasm,” Maria, a 27-year-old sales assistant says. “So why should I settle for almost-but-not-quite?”
Women should never consider orgasm as a possibility. Instead they should look at it as a destination open for all. If you love sex for the pleasure it brings, then feel free to venture with your partner into reaching the Big O, and if you’re really good at it, you might just get to the climax together.
Don’t be ashamed to speak up
For Eliza, a 29-year-psychologist, she likes playing teacher in the bedroom. “I tell my partners how I want to be touched. Then I giggle and scream to reinforce what he’s doing. I let guys know how to send me soaring.”
Don’t be afraid to slip a request or two. Besides, sex is intimate, and unless you’re doing it in front of a live audience, voicing out requests shouldn’t be embarrassing. If you still need some coaxing before you start screaming out your erotic requirements while doing the deed, try to do it in your pace. Say for example, you guide him toward your pleasure spots or by subtly asking him to stroke your breasts while kissing you. Remember, a little request goes a long way.
Re-energize your sex life
“Once my man and I moved in together, sex went straight from sizzling to snoozeville, while lazily flipping cable channels late one night, we caught a soft-core movie—and the on-screen action was really turning us on. Now we rent erotic videos whenever our sex life needs energizing,” Sadie, a 28-year-old editor, recalls.
The major problem with long term couples is that their sex life sometimes needs a push-up from that sex-then-sleep routine. The more new things you bring to the table, the greater chance for your sexual horizon to broaden.
Your sex drive works just about anywhere
“I conjure up a favorite fantasy—I imagine myself totally naked,” admits Cassie, a 29-year-old receptionist. “Whether I’m sitting behind my desk at work or I’m at the gym, I’ll pretend my clothes are in a heap on the floor and that dozens of hungry male eyes are glued to my body.”
Charging your sexual desire doesn’t require you to actually do the deed. Women can wake up their senses anytime and anywhere just as long as their creativity kicks. If you aren’t good with imagination, arouse your senses first by spraying a subtle amount of your man’s favorite perfume on your wrist or wearing silk undergarments enough to make you feel sexy underneath. Susan Block, PhD, and sex therapist, advises women,”Taking time to engage each sense—touch, taste, sound, scent, and sight—will quickly kick-start your lust drive.”
Return the favor and ask him what he wants
Christina, a 25-year-old studio assistant, recalls an incident where her sex partner taught her the ropes. “My current partner showed me how to brush a pair of satin panties against his testicles while I’m going down on him. The two different sensations drive him over the edge—I’m afraid our neighbors are going to call the police on us.”
Most men have requests too, but most of the time, they’re just as choked up about it as women are. Women may think that it is less empowering to have it done his way, but sex should be a pleasurable experience for both parties. It also helps that your partner will lose his mind, knowing that you’re willing to listen to his secret desires and maybe play them out for later. Besides, if it all goes well, he’ll be worshiping your shrine in no time.
Inject desire in everything you do
For Dina, a 33-year-old nurse, she won’t let her work get in the way of her ability to feel sensual. “Sexuality is a round-the-clock activity, not an isolated act you do in 20-minute stretches. So I’ll get up a little early to indulge in a luxurious bath rather than a five-minute shower. Or I’ll wear silk stockings instead of drugstore panty hose.”
Your sexuality shouldn’t be thought of as a light switch that you can turn on and off. Certain situations like your workplace make you push the thought of sex in the backseat, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. Like Dina, you can switch up the passion in any situation. Take it from Susan Crain Bakos, author of Sexational Secrets, “Great lovers integrate desire into everything they do so they feel sensuous all day long.”
Unleash the sex goddess
“I usually do a little striptease before sex—first disrobing seductively in front of my guy, then finishing by shaking my butt,” Rebecca, a 29-year-old therapist, admits. She highlights that while her body may not be as enviable as that of Jennifer Lopez, it doesn’t get in the way of her confidence. Rebecca adds, “My current beau would rather date a confident woman with an imperfect figure than a 36-24-36 chick who’s too timid to show her shape.”
Remember, confidence is key. Your body is already a gift to your partner, and the more you flaunt it, the more he’ll enjoy it. Start slow if you’re quite unsure about it, and as soon as your single audience member starts to show signs that he’s enjoying it, unleash your carnal goddess.
Sex is a priority
“When I come home flipped out from a rough day at work, sex is the furthest thing from my mind,” says Amie, a 27-year-old who works as a reservations agent. “But instead of shutting out my boyfriend, I’d much rather re-spark my desire by kissing his five o’ clock shadow and being held in his arms. Our lovemaking that night may not be mind-blowing, but it’ll feel good—and making each other feel good keeps our bond strong.”
No matter how much you ooze sex, sometimes life gets the best of you. We’re talking about period cramps, stress, and insecurities that come with increased hormone production. But for women who love sex in general, either hit the sheets or do things that ignite their sexuality. This is because they do know that sex and passion relieve you of the stress that life seems to keep throwing at you.
Learn from yourself first
As much as Kerry loves her husband, she still allots some time for herself. “My husband constantly thanks me for having such a swinging solo sex life,” says the 27-year-old chef. “It’s given me the chance to seek out my innermost hot spots and teach myself how to have a mind-blowing string of Os.”
Yes, we’re talking about masturbation. Women who masturbate are more aware of their body, so finding their pleasure zones is not a problem. It’s a simple self-study method that you can later apply on your next session in the sack. Keep in mind, the more you take charge, the sexier it will be for you and your partner. Even teachers don’t seem to mind teaching their partners a thing or two they’ve learned or their own. For Christi, 32, and teacher by profession, “When a guy can’t find my G-spot, I’ll gently take his fingers and guide them.”
Master secret sex moves
Mary, a 26-year-old jewelry designer, seems to have discovered an unexpected hot spot to fire up her sex drive. “Most women try to please their partners with direct below-the-belt stimulation, so I devote my time to a guy’s lesser-known erogenous areas,” she explains. Her secret trick to turning a guy on? The skin between the thumb and finger.
It may be a small and simple act, but for the guy Mary’s turning on, it’s causing sensory overload, something he might not want to forget in the future. So try learning some secret sexy moves that your partner will never forget and keep him coming back and craving for more. Don’t be afraid to push the envelope and bring out that daring diva we all know you’ve been hiding.