Sometimes, kids are so innocent and naive that they do not know how embarrassing their words and actions might be — and when they do, all you want is to get away from the pool of staring and judging eyes.
This is a collection of parent’s posts on various social networking sites which tackles their humiliating moments, mostly caused by their kids.
1. Kidnapping your own kid.
“My 2-year-old daughter threw a horrible fit when it was time to leave our mall’s play area. I grabbed her and carried her out while she was screaming, only to be stopped by mall security. When the rent-a-cop asked my daughter if I was her mommy she reached for the security guy while shaking her head no. I spent the next 15 minutes in the mall security office showing them pictures of my daughter to prove that I wasn’t kidnapping my kid.”
2. Public Etiquette
“While waiting in line at the grocery store my 3-year-old son had his hands down the front of his pants. When I quietly asked him to take his hands out of his pants he yelled, ‘But my penis won’t go down!’”
3. Squeaky Waiter
“We were at a restaurant where our male waiter had a very high-pitched voice. My niece exclaimed loudly, ‘He sounds like Mickey Mouse! Or a girl!’”
4. How about you jump around a little bit?
“When my son was 3 he walked into the bathroom as I was getting out of the shower. Clearly amazed by my nakedness, he said, ‘Mommy, I like you goobies.’ Then, cupping his hands to his chest, he said, ‘How about you jump around a little bit?’ Just then my 7-year-old daughter walked by and said, ‘He’s a pervert.’ I was mortified.”
5. Well-Behaved Children.
“I was in line at the bank with my baby in a stroller, a toddler on my hip, and my 5-year-old standing next to me. An older man behind me complimented me on how well-behaved my kids were just as my son (the toddler on my hip) grabbed my breast and exclaimed: ‘MOM’S BOOB!’ His sister followed that with: ‘She feeds the baby with her boobs!’”
—Patty Smith, Facebook
6. Yo-yo Tampon.
“When my son was 3 he was obsessed with yo-yos. One day I was getting him ready for a bath, and decided to use the loo while the water ran. He looked at me and asked, ‘Is that a string coming out of your bum?’ I replied, ‘Yes,’ because no way was I getting into a tampon discussion with a toddler. He looked thoughtful for a few minutes and then said, ‘Does it go to a yo-yo?’”
—Leyla Smith Anderson, Facebook
7. “Everyone knew.”
“I farted in line at Walmart, and it ended up being really loud and smelly. I blamed it on my 2-year-old by saying, ‘Wow, baby, you have a really stinky butt today!’ He replied, ‘No, mama, that was YOU!’ Everyone knew.”
8. Pushing the Buttons
“Last week in line at Walmart my 6-year-old son was begging to push the buttons on the credit card machine. When I said no, he responded with, ‘Well, can I push these buttons?’ And then proceeded to poke me directly in both nipples.”
9. Beer Store
“My 6-year-old son likes to tell people his favorite store is the ‘beer store’ (they have lollipops).”
“My 2-year-old asked me for some ‘fuckin nemnems’ (M&M’s) in front of grandma.”
—Stephanie Dawn Gozdziak, Facebook
11. Trick or Treat
“My almost 3-year-old daughter was trick-or-treating. When she received her candy she continued to stand there, then looked up at the man and informed him, ‘I’m peeing.’”
—Niki Ballard Fleischman, Facebook
12. Snapchat Boob
“My 4-year-old son was playing on my husband’s phone and uploaded a Snapchat video of my boob hanging out (I had just finished nursing my daughter and hadn’t put it away yet). It had multiple views, but I never got the courage to see who looked at it.”
—Megan Roberts, Facebook
13. “These people needed to see”
“My 3-year-old son dropped his pants while we were in line at Stone Mountain Park. Mortified, I asked him what he was doing. His answer? ‘Mommy, these people NEEDED to see my penis.’”
—Jennie Baucom, Facebook
14. Mushroom Eraser
“I was at the school book fair with my 9-year-old when he picked up a large mushroom eraser and asked what it was. I said, ‘It’s for erasing, I’d imagine,’ (sarcasm there). Then he loudly proclaimed, ‘OR YOU COULD GET HIIIIIGH WITH IT!’ I was mortified, but before I dragged him out, I told the librarian that the D.A.R.E. officer was doing a great job here.”
15. Nice Wooden Box
“In middle school woodshop my son made a hinged wooden box that was quite lovely. He gave it to me as a present and I put it on my desk to hold sundry items.
Flash forward about six years and he’s away at college. When he comes home for a holiday he notices the box, picks it up, and says, ‘Hey, I remember this!’ He then proceeds to open it and find my weed and related gear, which I am using it for now.”
—Jim Clark, Facebook
16. Smelly Gas
“One day my co-worker had smelly gas all day long, and though she tried to be sneaky, I definitely smelled it. I mentioned this to my kids that evening because I knew it would make them giggle. Wouldn’t you know it that several days later my 7-year-old came with me into work and said to the aforementioned co-worker, ‘Why do you fart all day? My mom told me you fart all day and she smells it!’”
—Kerrie Hunziker, Facebook
17. Own Toothbrush
“My husband and I had an expensive electric toothbrush, and my son wanted one, but since they were about $100 I suggested that I just buy him a brush head so he could try ours first. In the middle of a very crowded Target he shouted, BUT I WANT MY OWN TOOTHBRUSH!’”
18. “You killed my brother!”
“I was walking through the grocery store with my 4-year old-son when he looked at me in utter terror and yelled, ‘You killed my brother!’ I got quite a few sidelong glances as I quickly shuffled him along. I didn’t figure out until months later that he was re-enacting a scene from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
—Lauren Pryor Campbell, Facebook
19. Nip Slip
“My 5-year-old son likes to pull on my clothes for attention. A couple of months ago we were sitting at a desk at the bank where a male teller and his young male trainee were helping me set up an account. My son was bored and pulled my top almost down to my stomach and gave the guys a FULL view of my tatas. Not surprisingly, they now both greet me by name every time I go in there.”
20. “I just about died.”
“I opened the door for a delivery man with my boob hanging out because my daughter had been cluster feeding and I just forgot to put it away. When I closed the door I about died when I realized my boob was on full display.”
—Brittany Bennett, Facebook
21. I certainly hope so.
“My daughter once announced to everyone in line at the grocery store that her mommy had a ‘bagina.’”
22. Baby Boner
“When my almost 3-year-old twins started getting erections, I made the mistake of calling it a baby boner. Later, one of the boys got an erection when I was changing him, then ran out and proudly announced to our house cleaner that he had a baby boner.”
—Jill Corddry, Facebook
23. Booty Head
“We were headed toward the checkout at the grocery store when a lady from a side aisle cut us off without even pretending to stop. I was calm and held the cart back, but my 2-year-old screamed, ‘Watch it, you little booty head!’ The lady threw some serious shade, but the guy next to us gave my son a high-five.”
24. Loud Farting
“I’d taken my 3-year-old daughter to the bathroom at a restaurant when the person next to us farted pretty loudly. My daughter yelled out, ‘Wow, mom, did you hear that huge fart? Who farted so loud?’ We stayed in the stall until she left the bathroom.”
—Ing C Ap, Facebook
25. Bad at Keeping Secrets
“My 4-year-old son told my friend, ‘My mom said you have the messiest house she has ever seen.’ Thankfully, my friend helped me through the embarrassment by replying, ‘You are very bad at keeping secrets.’”
—Cheryl Wittenborn Esslinger, Facebook
26. “No, Mommy! Don’t smack me!”
I was waiting for a prescription at the drug store when my 2-year-old son kept trying to climb all over the chairs in the waiting area. I told him if he did it one more time he would have to sit in the cart. He did it again, but when I went to pick him up he dramatically threw his hands in the air and said, ‘No, Mommy! Don’t smack me!’
I was so shocked that I laughed and said, ‘When have I EVER smacked you?!’ So naturally he laughed like a loon and said, ‘DON’T SMACK ME IN THE FACE!!!’”
—Katherine Handcock, Facebook
27. Expecting for a baby girl.
“I am pregnant with my second boy, and just found out that my 4-year-old son was telling people that he wanted a sister and ‘Mama did, too, ‘cause she didn’t want to deal with any more penises.’ I may have said something to that effect when explaining why I was hoping for a girl…”